yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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