im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
sarcasm needs its own font
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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