In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
