Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
