Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize