just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
