WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
