dude i'm inner monologue high
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
