If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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