Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
