making cat noises will not fix the situation.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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