Pappa wants mamma naked
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize