Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
