Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
