so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
