Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize