True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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