Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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