smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
