I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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