I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
