We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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