i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
so much tequila, so little girl.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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