I wanna passion pit in your ass
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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