just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
