i think i have two assholes
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
