your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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