i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize