it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
