no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
