he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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