I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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