You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
