When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
