I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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