think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
