This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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