apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
