Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
