i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Randomize
