He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
