kristin has been a bad kristin
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
