I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
God, I missed his penis.
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