omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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