so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
