We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
