just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
