No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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