I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's blow job season.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize