This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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