Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize