conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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