What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
