May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
