I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
