Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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