His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
