I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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