I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
