i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
