I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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